this is a list of the times this year i felt wonder or joy. it's not exhaustive. it's mostly for me. but it's also for others, because i think a sense of wonder is a wonderful thing, and i wish it were valued more highly.

i want to give a very special thanks to my friends Nori, Kate Crane, and Kate F, for showing me how much beauty there is in the world.


things i have seen

lightning striking. the timing is perfect such that half the night sky is illuminated by the bolt and half is not.

i took this photo in east austin, walking home from the last dinner i would have with my friends at my old company. it started pouring rain shortly afterwards.

a small square black block, with the engraved text: in the land of gods and monsters, i was an angel living in the garden of evil

i got this at a magic sale on Airport Boulevard in austin. it immediately spoke to me, for reasons that don't belong on a blog post.

a blurry, distorted picture of a city. in the foreground is an apartment building. in the background is a set of sky scrapers. the sky above is dark, but no stars are visible.

i took this photo from a company office at night. the photo is not very good, but it reminds me of the vast emptiness i felt, the hum of the city, the ten hundred thousand people around me.

a picture of a city, taken from a tall rooftop. there is a glass building to the right and ornate architectures to the left. the street is filled with lights. far above, the clouds are dark grey against a bright setting sun.

i took this photo from the roof of MLK library in DC. i felt like the city was alive around me. i still do.

a picture taken from an airplane windows. in the top left is the sun, blurred into an incomprehensible shape by the window pane. to the right is empty space. below are layered clouds, that look almost like ocean waves.

this is the closest i will come to visiting space.

things i have heard

The Art Teacher, by Rufus Wainwright. somehow this condenses a lifetime of regret and longing into four minutes.

Rachel's Song, from Blade Runner. for all the entities who miss a life that was never their own.

I Want To Live, from Baldur's Gate.

things i have read

Lull, by Kelly Link. i cannot describe it and i will not try. it takes half an hour to read; more, if you are a fast reader.

Ancillary Justice, by Ann Leckie. it dares to ask: what if a ship were a person, and not a person, and both at once? and it dares to imagine: what if there were a choir that sang with many bodies and voices, but only one mind? what kind of world could create such beauty?

Untitled Crab Project, by Jana H-S. I am going to tell you about some crabs

things i have created

a collection of date ideas. you can only read it in reverse, and that's intentional.


things i have seen

a github comment by @Nilstrieb: hello can anyone review my code please :ferrisClueless: please i have been waiting for weeks now all you do is meow please just one approval please

i burst into laughter every time i see this.


things i have created

use bold magenta instead of bold white for highlighting. this is both very gay and legitimately useful. i would like more of my life to be like this, please.

make triagebot cuter

mirror selfie!! i'm wearing a long sleeved burgundy shirt that hugs my curves and jeans that are just visible at the waist. my nails are painted glossy black. i'm wearing a bronze-ish metal watch, a brown bracelet, and a delicate necklace with a picture of a flower. my hair is half up and drapes over my left shoulder. i'm smiling wide, bringing out my laugh lines, although my mouth is closed.

this is the first time i felt like a woman.